Trying Not To Get Ticked Off- Part One

We're from the government, we're here to help!
We’re from the government, we’re here to help!


I woke up to my phone ringing bright and early this morning.  I didn’t recognize the phone number so I let it go to voicemail. When the notification for the voicemail came through I listened to the message.

It was from a woman identifying herself as a nurse from the county health department. Awesome. She informs me that Dr. Unhelpful sent her information regarding my Lyme Disease diagnoses and that she would like to ask me some questions.


I roll my eyes. I start to wonder what exactly would happen if I refused to return her phone call. Would men in hazmat suites show up and drape a giant plastic bubble over my house? Probably not.

The part of my brain that reasons well using logic, tells me that she probably wants to ask me the following;

  1. Did you see the tick?
  2. Did you get the bulls eye rash?
  3. Where do you think you encountered the tick?
  4. When did your symptoms start?

Then the part of my brain that treasures privacy, to an extent, and is angry at “medical professionals” wants to tell her to swiftly “go to hell,” and just blow her off. I highly doubt that I would actually get in trouble for not returning their phone call or refusing to speak to them.

I am not contagious.

I don’t have HIV/AIDS or hepatitis or anything else that poses as a public health risk.

I wait a few minutes to get out of bed and mill around for a little while before I return her call.  Of course, it rings to a voice mail and I have to leave her a message to call me back. This annoys me further.

I really don’t want to talk to anyone. My burn out level was at an all time high and it was too damn early in the morning to deal with it. I then tell myself to start using the “Do Not Disturb” feature on my iPhone.

The Nurse calls me back. Brief introduction. She tells me that she is a registered nurse, like I ought to be impressed, and that she’s a case manager for tuberculosis patients in our county. I might care if I had TB, but okay.

She tells me that she has some questions for me. Then she asks me the list I made above.

  1. No, I never saw the tick.
  2. No, I never had the bulls eye rash.
  3. Where did I encounter the tick? Where don’t I encounter ticks?
  4. About two weeks before I went to the ER with horrible abdominal pain.

We go over all of these answers.  She informs me that she is going to send me some educational information about my illness in the mail.  I tell her okay. Have a nice day. Goodbye.

I sit back on my couch and ponder over what just happened. I just got off the phone with the county health department in reference to an illness that I currently have.  It has been more than a week since the diagnoses and she thinks she’s going to educate me about my illness?

I toss my phone onto the coffee table. I may have shook my head.

That bitch never even asked me how I was feeling.



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