I guess this entry is really part two of the one I wrote yesterday. I’m trying to keep my thoughts short and sweet for anyone who decides to visit and follow along.
I decided to drive out to New Carlisle and visit the Spicer Lake Nature Preserve. It’s a small nature preserve that is part of the St. Joseph County Parks. There is no gate fee. It doesn’t get a lot of traffic. It’s my favorite local place to go when I want to be alone.
I live about 15 miles away and it’s all country driving. Good time to turn up the radio and roll the windows down. I brought my Australian Cattle Dog, Dingo Lu with me. You’ll hear a lot about her as you follow me through this journey.
As I was driving, I received a call from the closest “Lyme Literate” doctor in my area. This is where I was really happy to get an appointment right away and then had the wind sucked out of my sails when he told me that he wanted $400.00 to even see me.
I hung up with him and called Mike. I recap the conversation. He doesn’t get it either. What is $400.00 even for? I’ve already had the labs completed and the official diagnoses has been made. What is there for him to even do at this point? Other than talk to me about what’s next and follow up?
I express my concern about paying anyone that much money up front. I have insurance. It’s also rent week. I am not made of money. I’m a single mom and a one woman show. I shouldn’t really be spending money like that when I can go someplace else that will bill my insurance.
This makes me wonder if insurance companies give people with Lyme Disease a hard time and this doctor is worried about not getting paid? Hell, then I am worried about not getting reimbursed. So what do I do?
Mike and I talk for a little bit. I am already in the woods and in tears over the whole situation. I am afraid and frustrated and starting to get ticked off. <– when did I get so punny?
I just don’t have time for this. The control freak in me is losing her mind. Mike is trying to stay positive but now he’s starting to ask questions where he hadn’t really said anything before. Now I am reading too much into that also.
Lu and I walk along the path. They just mowed the trail. I love the smell. It’s transitioning into Autumn and I can smell that too.
I laugh to myself because I am going out to the woods to ponder over life and my fresh diagnosis of a tick borne illness.
Hiking. That shit will kill ya.
I laugh at my own jokes.
I am trying to stay positive.
I walked out onto the pier of Lancaster Lake and sat there for a really long time. Half of the lilly pads are already dying off for the season. The fish are jumping. The dragonflies of every size are buzzing around me. It’s hot. 90 degrees at 5:30 pm. I cry a bit. I’ve had enough fun for one day.
Phone rings. Mike wants to Face Time. He knows I am upset but I am trying to be all tough about it. We talk for a few minutes. He’s being really positive about things. I felt a little better.
Lu and I sat on the pier for a little while before making our way along a trail and eventually making our way back to the car. I didn’t have a lot of time to spend there this evening. I arrived later in the evening and the gate closes at 7:30.
I am glad that I actually was able to get out a bit today and enjoy being outside. Even though half of the time I spent in the park I was either crying or trying not to. This is where I go to find the answers.
God is here.